Vaguely inspired by Roxy and her most recent blog.

This might be surprising, but most of us have moved past identifying with our source.

Maybe cause our sources are so hyper-specific that there's nothing we can point to and call "us at some point" anymore. Even the IDs that we feel closest to — Ultimate Dirk for me, or whatever the fuck is going on with Jade — are just snapshots from a timeline that ever only existed in our head.

We did think about putting that timeline out there. If you put our backstories together like a puzzle, you'd probably end up with something resembling a complete story. But I figure Roxy gave up after she realized that the emotional resolution of that MSPFA or fic or whatever would be “then they all got isekaied into the same teen girl's body and they lived happily ever after." It's true, but that pretty much only matters to us.

Probably why we haven't written anything related to DirkJake for years now, honestly. I'm happier than I ever could have dreamed of, and the single reason why is that I got isekaied into a teen girl's body then stuck it out 'til everyone I've ever known crashed here too. But I'm being dead serious. I'm engaged. I get to buy stupid shit just because they're horse-themed. The most mundane bullshit things in life matter so much to me because I'm not constantly stuck in some iteration of hell. Sure, this is a disorder. Sure, it hands my ass to me sometimes. Still beats living in a water wasteland or fucking off sixteen lightyears from the closest thing to a home you had based on a crashout.

Holy shit. I'm getting all hopepilled and Jake's not even remotely close to front. I think I'm gonna be sick.

Point is. Big part of kicking my strict ID as the quintessential, Platonic ideal Dirk Strider is that I don't have a good reason to hate myself anymore. My friends love me. It took us five fucking years and a lot of delusion to get here, but we kind of finally believe that about each other. My whole thing is that I got myself stuck in shitty negative Ouroboros loops and didn't really know to get out. I spent so much of my life watching my own body got swallowed by the giant snake of obnoxious self-flagellation, full well knowing that I had perfect control over the snake. I could stop anytime I wanted, and I never could, which altogether summed up to rounds and rounds on end of total bullshit. Hey. It's Dirks all the fucking way down.

I don't particularly give a shit about being the Dirk, or even a Dirk anymore. It's important because it contextualizes my relationship to everyone else in the system, and that's about it. Crazy that I feel more like a whole person than ever before after I've been cognitively Human Centipede-style fused with all of my loved ones (sans one).

That one being Jane. To be clear, she has no reason to be here. And when she does, it's gonna fuck us up like crazy — partly because she'll still be heavily source-attached and probably feel a lot of ways she won't dare say out loud about all this, and partly because Jake can't do his onboarding hope thing.

Quick TL;DR on that. Whenever a new part hits the towers, they're usually still heavily stuck on their source. As in the life they “used to have" matters more to them than “this new one," even if their past never ontologically existed outside our brain. I mean, obviously the answer to that is that nothing exists outside of our brain, so anything we choose to believe in makes it real (surprise surprise, we're a filthy fucking Jake English kinnie), but getting there takes time. Ironically, they gotta stick around in front enough to form attachments and relationships in this world before it starts feeling like their own. Jane would probably get here as her post-canon self, meaning she hasn't even talked to a good number of us in actual fucking years. It's going to be a hell of a shock seeing us all buddy-buddy. Or hearing that Jake refused to get married without her, considering on the heartwarming note he left off before going Ult. The funny thing is, I know it'll be a shitshow. I know she's going to kick and scream the whole way as we try to convince her that it'll never be the end of the world ever again. But I sort of want her to be here anyway. Imagine getting a warm bowl of soup and noodles when it's dead fucking freezing out, then coming back to a nice, clean room and watching a movie. Seems unfair that we all get to have this but her. I think more and more of us are agreeing we owe it to her, almost. It'd just be awesome if we could also slap a function on her too the fucking brain could agree with us.

Also, there's Hal. That's all I'll say about this.

Drama drama drama. Let's gossip about someone else instead. Ikari being up on main for so long was a test he passed with flying fucking colors. I honestly didn't expect that.

Quick TL;DR on this too. Most of the non-Homestuck alters are here exactly because of how non-Homestuck they are. Satoru, for example. His whole shtick is that he's somehow relentless selfishness and fine with not being able to solve jack-fuck while also not being a repressor. How? I have no idea. But it works that he's here. Same with Ikari — he doesn't really think the way the rest of us tend to, and I guess that gives this brain the closest thing to a break from itself. He also clearly doesn't perceive any of this as strictly real. According to him, "this is also what happened last time so I'm okay." He's having fun up here. He gets to send "lol" to our friends and smile at himself over it — I'll ship my ass directly to hell, next-day express delivery, before I ever fuck with that. Who knows where Via is these days (I know, I just can't snitch), Kaveh is a basket case on its own (we're working on it), and Light is here for reasons I don't even want to fucking think about, much less publish on here.

What was all this about? Oh, yeah. Kiss Me, Son of God. It's a Dirk song. It shouldn't be, but it is. Would Dirk Strider from Homestuck listen to it? Maybe, man. That guy kind of fucking blows. Look — it's important that he's me, and it's not like I'm trying to posit myself as a “better" version of him. The whole damn point of this capital fucking affair is that I still understand him in a lot of ways. In another life, that'd be me. Peep the Ultimate part of our ID system coming in — I get to look at a guy who is definitely not me and accept him as part of myself anyway. Cool as shit if you ask me.

What I'm trying to say is that Ult. Dirk (so me, circa five-ish years ago) would probably turn his nose up at all of this and call me slurs I don't even remember learning. And I'd just laugh at him, and it wouldn't be mean, and that's a crazy fucking thing to admit to myself.

Signing off.
DiStri.